The Fray - Look After You

Cheers!

Here are some pictures of us trying to take "The Stocking Picture".

As you can see in the picture below, I am trying to put on the pair of socks that my dad gave me. It is the only thing that I asked for, and I am so happy that I got them. They are my dads favorite pair... correction, were my dads.

Yes, that is me in the background and I am planting an Amaryllis.

Twiggy, cuddled in my stocking.

Comfy Socks and Whistling

Being home is harder than I anticipated… and I always expect the worse.

Only 3 miles apart, I could be there in less than 6 minutes. But already 3 months apart, and even still probably oceans away.

Funny how being home causes this pain to seem even more real. I blame it on the distance (or lack thereof), also the association. In my new apartment I have created a place that holds very little association, so here at home, I’m in a place that carries a world of hurt, because it holds a world of memories.

I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you’d want the same for me.

My urge as I type this, the urge that came across me sitting on the couch less than an hour ago, is to get in my car and drive. I know where I want to go and I would drive straight there. I think that it would cure this feeling in my chest. The one that makes me feel like I can’t breath, the one that prevents me from eating, the one that is keeping the ‘Cheer’ out of me on this wonderful day. But still I know, or so my head tells me, it would not make anything better. You probably would not even talk to me, or so that is all that I can believe.

Today is a wonderful day and I know that. I have both my parents, together, and I am very grateful for that. My siblings are all happy and healthy. Family is important to me, but I find myself constantly keeping a distance between myself and them.

My dad told me tonight, “Heartache is a part of life, not a bad part of life, just a part of life”. Everyone goes or will go through this, I guess I knew I wouldn’t be an exception to the rule, just wasn’t prepared this.

I didn’t believe that you would never hurt me, but I did believe that you would never leave me.

It feels like someone died, this feeling is probably even worse. You are still very real to me, yet, I don’t think that I can smell you anymore, and I’m not sure that I can hear your laugh, I’m almost positive I can’t hear your voice, I still see your face but not nearly as often, you left me with a cold feeling and that seems to keep away your warmth as well, but knowing… that is what gets me. I know that you are there, and life has not changed that much for you, you still smell the same, your laugh, your warmth, and I have to know that they

are for someone else, and know that you have not even looked back.

Comfy socks and whistling, comfy socks to keep your feet warm and whistling to put a song in your heart.

Apple & Twiggy!

Twiggy and Apple, these are my girls! Twiggy is the closest to the camera and Apple is the one in the back. They are 10 months old this week, both females, and they are litter mates.
I have had them since May and oh how I love them. I love them because they love me. I like to think that I take pretty good care of them, but they have really taken care of me the past couple of months. They are so much more than my pets.
They love to snuggle and root and around, in fact, they are amazing at tucking themselves in. They can get themselves so perfectly covered up in their blankets.. its amazing. When I let them sleep with me, they sleep underneath the covers, Twiggy is usually somewhere around my lap and Apple is always tucked perfectly underneath one of my arms. Twiggy is a dreamer, she whines and talks in her sleep all the time, but once she is asleep, she stays in that spot. Apple is restless and moves around about a million times in the middle of the night. I try not to let them sleep with me too much, usually once a week, but not always that often.
I have an electric heater in my bedroom and they thoroughly enjoy it. They get there bones and lay down right beside it. They like to be warm!
They listen to me pretty good, but they don't do that well when other people are around. We are working on it though.
They each just got a vest with furry hoods and they look so fabulous! I don't have pictures of them yet though.

This is the night that I got them and I was SO excited... pee your pants excited. I had not planned on getting two, but it felt right and it happened so perfectly.

This is one of my favorites of them, they love playing in the covers!

Family photo! They were so little!

Twiggy and Apple, you are my best friends!!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Going to a Knoxville Ice Bears game tonight! They play the Twin Cities Cyclones and it a guaranteed fight night. My friends that I am going with rented one of the group boxes, so were basically on the ice. I'm pretty excited.

Happier

I found this before I even started my day... and it made me feel happy inside.

Today's Emotion

Abandoned.

Is that an emotion?

Good days followed by bad days, followed by no sleep, followed by coffee, mmm... coffee, what a wonderful thing.

Things Shanna loves

A while back ago I did some "clearing out" of things that just didn't mean anything to me anymore... I briefly blogged about it, it had something to do with burning. Well, I use the word burning literally, I went through and incinerated certain things that I never wanted to see or read or be reminded of again.
In this "clearing out" attempt, I got rid of everything and I mean Ev-Re-Thing-Ga... with one little exception; a sloppy, hand written, seemingly insignificant note. But, come to find out, not insignificant at all, in fact it was in many ways momentous and increasingly meaningful (it is the one thing I kept). I think it could be chalked up as a moment of self actualization.
Something you should know about me is, I write everything down, maybe not everything, but lots of things, random things, thoughts, saying, things I never want to forget, moments that mean something to me and I don't want them to go unappreciated. I'm not very organized with this process yet, but it is something I do.
This note was titled, Things Shanna loves. And it went something like this, parenthesis, spelling errors, and all…

Tulips, African Violets, Shamrocks, Edamame, Romin, Sushi, Pirates, Fairies (Fae), Ballerinas, Tea ½ and ½ from Pals, Zelda on the Game Boy, Ms. Pac Man, Nora Jones, Elton John, GARDENING, Teva’s, Crab Legs, Stars, Scooters (Vespa), Dove Choc, Rasberry, blackberry, Soothing Naturals lotion, Purple, Flip flops, Sparrows, Shanna Cappacino, Choc Milk, “Just Married”, “Sex in the City”, Her two new puppies, Cozy Clothes, Blue Blanket (knitted), Beach

I did not write this list, someone else wrote this list. At the time, it was an attempt to show me that he “knew” me and that I meant something to him. Funny thing is, ironic thing really, and the thing that has meant the most to me is, he did not include himself on this list. I think I can actually say he got something right.
These are things I love, I loved them then and I love them now, I love them because they are me, and he has absolutely nothing to do with them. And that is a good feeling… a Great feeling.

Maroon 5 - Goodnight, Goodnight

TMI

So I bought some awesome new undies recently, and as I have done everyday since buying them, I selected the perfect pair to start the day off with. Put them on. Lived in them for a little bit. Took a few looks in the mirror (did a little dance)... Comfy? check. Cute? check. Would I be totally ok if for some random reason I ended up wearing only them? Check Check. So they passed all my tests, I got ready for the day and went. At some point toward the end of my 8.5 hour shift, I realize that there was a slight uncomfortableness about them, right about where the tag would be. Did the whole, wiggle a little bit, jump up and down, nothing worked. So, once I got off work, what did I find... "Shit, I never took the price tags off these pretty little things... oops!"

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Holy Sex

Somedays I miss high school. It was good times. I am such a different person now though. I think if I could go back, I would follow the rules quite a bit less than I did then.. knowing now, that they are kinda silly. Last night I went to eat with 3 of my wonderful friends from high school, Keera, Marla, and the now married Annie. Strange because we don't talk that often, but it was just like I remember it. We ate at The Olive Garden, and I had their red sangria, which I had never had from there, and it was yummy. I learned so much from them in high school, and I learned something from them last night too (well, mainly Keera), when you get married, apparently you have Holy Sex!

I love you guys!

Part time job

So I just got a part time 'seasonal' job at American Eagle Outfitters. Yeah. I just start this past Sunday and it wasn't that bad. My job was what most churches call "The Greeter". I stood in the entrance way and made everyone coming in feel welcomed. I also had to tell them about the awesome deal we had on sweaters and hoodies (with a smile).

I am most excited about the great discount that I am gonna get now. I can't believe that I haven't taken part yet already.

Come by and see me!!!

On my mind and in my head (my playlist)

Coldplay & Dave Matthews Band... for the most part.

Im Dreaming of a Green Christmas

I made a decision, completely on my own, to do my part to have a Green christmas. I am going to (and you can hold me to this) wrap all of my gifts entirely from recycled and reused material. After making this decision I have been thinking of all the great things I can do with this.
I would like to do this without purchasing anything, but I may have to purchase some tape, I haven't thought of a way around this one yet.

Some of the materials that I will use (and you should too):
- Magazines
- Newspaper
- Cereal boxes and the like
- Various Ribbon that I have collected
- Shopping Bags (American Eagle, Victoria Secret, ect - I don't have the ability to throw these away so i have a ton)
- Various items from nature (you will just have to see)

You should know... that I will do this without sacrificing any amount of attractiveness. If you have any other grand ideas for me in this attempt to green up my Christmas, I would love to hear it. I hope you will join me, let me know if you do.

Laundry mats are never pleasant thoughts

I don't frequent the laundry mat often, I usually try to go to a friends, my aunts, home or somewhere generally safe and familiar. But tonight I did and this is my story.

First thing I see when I walk in, is someone getting a hair cut. Yes, they had set up shop and were cutting hair. I mean, I drink my coffee in the shower, but this takes multi-tasking to a whole other level.

Second was a small child, most likely possessed. I would guess him about 4 years old. Running around like a mad man (which is not unusual for a person of his age) and was wearing his jacket like a cape... Again, age appropriate. But what I found disturbing was what I got when I started to talk to him. I said, "Is that a cape?" no verbal reply, just growling, impressive werewolf-like growling. And then he took off, shooting at me with his imaginary gun. So when he got back around to where I was I asked, "Are you a superhero or a villain?"And he replied, "I am the joker" as he simultaneously pulled a pencil out of his pocket and held it up proudly, without missing a beat he said "and i kill people". I was standing there waiting for him to ask me if I wanted to see him make the pencil disappear (If you have saw The Dark Knight you understand).

I know I am a scared-y cat when it comes to scary movies, the dark, and spooky halloween costumes and many other silly things... but a 4 year old?! Really?

It happens fast, leaves little behind... I recommend burning.

Kurt Halsey

Kurt Halsey Frederiksen is an American Artist, who, in my opinion, is brilliant. I love all his work... the way his characters look, they way it makes you realize things that you have felt but never really been able to put into words. I just missed an opportunity to go to Philadelphia and see one of his shows and I'm kicking myself. He makes you FEEL... and I love that. Also, I discovered this guy on my own, so I am pretty proud of that.

Here are some of my favorites, but there are so many more.

Shanna misses her boyfriend...

A Broken Heart

I am sure you have heard… “time heals all wounds”.. and if by chance you haven’t then you have probably heard one or more of the following.. “just give it time”, “it will take time”, “as time goes by..”, ect. And I agree with the whole time thing, but while said time is passing, there are things that will aid in the process of healing. Here are just a few of the thing that I have found to work:
· At least a week of living with Lorrie, Paul, and Abbie.
· Apple and Twiggy lovin, you can do no wrong when it comes to those two.
· Dad, for when you wake up in the middle of the night crying, just like when you were a little girl. The rest of your family too, they truly will be there no matter what.
· Plenty of liquids, my drinks of choice were grape juice and orange Gatorade… lots and lots of it.
· A few days off work
· Plenty of tears, even after your nose gets raw.. it will seem like they will never end. But they will, so get them all out.
· Breath – you will forget this step from time to time, but do your best not to.
· Friends – make sure they know what is going on, because they will do everything they can to keep you busy.
· Kleenex – the kind with lotion.
· Honesty, the worst person to lie to is yourself. Be sure you are honest with yourself about everything you are feeling.
· And last but not least… a good buckeye adventure!

I’m not saying these things will work for everyone, but they have sure made my situation a whole heck of a lot better. I don’t know if he wrote it, but John Mayer sings, “when your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part..” that is SO true.

And so I am moving

I can't really believe that I have been in my apartment for almost a year now. I have to be out by the 11th, and I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. I don't really want to, but its for the best, cheaper rent, dog friendly, and its a change, which is probably what I need to most is just some change. It going to be a little bit smaller, and I still won't have a dishwasher, washer or dryer, or a garbage disposal (which are all things I can do without, but would LOVE to have). I will have less storage space, but the windows are much much better. But I will make it my own and it will be my attempt to learn to live on my own. Its what you make of it, or so I have been told...

A Little About Me

I love, love, love GARDENING and I'll post some pictures soon and let you know what all I got growing around me. I live in my cute little apartment, with my cute little dogs (Apple and Twiggy). I work and go to school... don't really know what I want to do and don't know how to figure that out right now, so just kinda going with the flow for now (all though it feels more like going against the flow). Maybe plant sciences, or biology, or something. My favorite food is breakfast. My favorite color is I don't have one, I refuse to pick a favorite, I love them all. I love to do anything artsy fartsy or crafty.. I just made the cutest purse. I'm pretty sure that I recycle to a fault... but who could blame you for something like that. I am constantly thinking about ways to reuse/recycle things and have a pretty good list going right now. I will share some with you later on. I really really really want a Vespa (I came very close to getting one early this summer) but need need need to buy a car (Yes, still driving my parents.. I know I know).. so I will wait.

Note to self - Post some Apple and Twiggy picures, gardening pics, pics or me and my deals...

Numero Un

Needless to say (cue drumroll)... this is my first post! I'm pretty sure I set the blog up about a month and a half ago, but because of minor set backs -1. no internet at my apt (until now) 2. at work, sites like this are blocked (who knew?)- I am just now typing numero un. In the mean time, I did make note of all the thoughts that otherwise I would have put on here and will hopefully do a little retroactive work soon. I don't have any 'About Me' info on here yet, so settle for a little mystery and figure me out as we go. A lot of times I have so much to say and so much on my mind that I end up writing very little, but lets hope this blogging thing helps to work out those kinks.

Coming Soon... all about me, my puppies (everybody together now, "Awe"), my gardening work, my recycling messiness, ideas, thoughts, and much much more... Stay Tuned!